Archive | September 2014

Just Linger

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes Psalm 37:7 (NIV)

How many times have we filled our days with business? We have an underlying need to please those around us and somehow gleam acceptance from our works. There have been times when we poured our heart and soul into something or someone just be burned by the ones who we thought loved us. They told us they had our backs. They told us that they were here for us. We believed it wholeheartedly, just to have them close the door on us and leave us in the dark.

We wondered, why? What did I do wrong or did I not give it enough? We spend hours thinking we weren’t good enough and wonder what “they” are saying about us. Meanwhile, they are happy as can be. They aren’t spending a single moment in stagnation. They continue living and prospering in their ways, sometimes good, sometimes deceivingly.

Yet we are staggering , running the questions over in our minds over and over. We stop living and prospering. The thoughts in our mind, keep us prisoner.

Consider the hummingbird; I have a sweet friend of mine who was struggling and when she stepped outside, a hummingbird lingered right in front of her. In that moment her mind stood still and her heart was open to the unseen spirit. It was a quieting of the soul, a stillness that provided a saving of her heart from the feeling of despair that she was feeling.

Do hummingbirds have a soul? Could God somehow send one in time of need to make us be still? To me, God can do anything so why not be open to the idea? Nature has a way of disconnecting our rational selves and connecting us to our sensory system. Everything is tied together, we just have to be at a place of acceptance to receive it.

So, linger whenever we feel that despair rising up within us. Linger when we feel like we don’t measure up or that people do not accept us. Linger when our heart hurts and know that He is with us even when we think He is not.

Just linger……

Delight Yourself

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart
Psalm 37:4

For so long I have had the same dreams and desires. Even as a child they lay dormant in my heart, just waiting for someone to come along and love me so much that they unwittingly uncovered them and gave life to my dreams.

For so long I have loved God more than anyone or anything, even when I didn’t even fully understand what He did for us or why I could feel His presence even in the darkest hours.

For so long I have desired to feel genuinely wanted and loved. For the longest time I thought I must simply be unlovable because my own parents didn’t seem to care. My mother was emotionally unavailable and my father left before I was born.

I can see now, when I look back He didn’t abandon me as I had thought. I had a childhood friend who made my days not so empty. I had grandparents who believed in me and loved me unconditionally. I had people come into and out of my life for different reasons I am sure. Perhaps they came to comfort me when needed, or to teach me valuable lessons.

For so long, I have been tired though: tired of pressing on and being the strong one, tired of carrying the load. There have been dark moments when I just wanted to give up. But somehow there always seemed to be that little flicker of light, deep within me that whispered my name and said to keep on going. It told me not to give up and that God had a plan for me, but I just couldn’t see it yet.

Lord, I feel like I am finally on the precipice of something great. Perhaps a glimpse of my desires coming to fruition. Only You Lord , knows what those are and I believe anything is possible by your hand. Perhaps I can hang on just a bit longer with confidence instead of insecurity. Confidence that if I continue to delight in You that my dreams can awaken from their burial ground and come alive as testimony to how great your love is no matter how insignificant I may feel.

So I will keep delighting in You with great anticipation to what my future holds and the love you will show me along the way….

This entry was posted on September 2, 2014. 1 Comment