Archive | April 2014

More Than Capable

Coming out of my fast a peculiar thing happened. I lost the sense of urgency to find someone. I had to be alone to really feel not alone. I had to be broken so that I could be healed.

After the fast was over I had a few people that wanted to take me out and I can honestly say that I didn’t want to. So I didn’t.

I have always kind of thought dating sites were somewhat just not the natural way to meet anyone but have tried a few here and there just to see for myself. If others want to do it, I see nothing wrong with it, it’s just not for me.

So this morning I awoke and pulled the final plug. I know without a doubt that God is more than capable of bringing someone to me without the help of a dating site. After all, He is Lord of the universe.

Day 40 Man Fast/Pursue Me

Well, today was my last day of the fast, and I have to say that I am really glad I did it. I had people tell me that they didn’t get why I was doing it and others that encouraged me. Either way, it was something that I knew I had to do, and it just happened to be around lent so it worked out.

The first few weeks were rough, but after that I really began to enjoy it. Like I said in previous posts, it was really about focusing on what was really important. It was about following my instinct about those around me and the things I chose to do with my time. It was about quieting my spirit and my mind to hear God clearer. I made time to take more walks and to be by myself, and in doing so, it worked.

I was reminded that the Holy Spirit really does reside in each of us who has accepted Him and to not listen to our instincts, is really to ignore that spirit. Some people call it a gut feeling, etc. Sometimes we get a feeling about a place or certain people and I believe we have a choice as grown adults who we spend our time with and where we go. Take note: Is our life somehow enriched when we are with certain people, or do they cause discord and strife? Are the places we go encouraging or do they give us a glimpse of shame and darkness? There were many nights I chose to stay home, and there were nights when I chose to go out. Depended on the details, but I can tell you I was happy with the choices made.

I learned to be content with whoever I was with and to enjoy them in the here and now. I lived in the moment. I wasn’t looking around to see who else was in the room or anticipating anything other than the moment I was in. I didn’t care if some guy was pursuing me. I can’t tell you how good that feels.

Since my mind was focused on what I felt God gifted me with already (instead of finding someone), He opened the doors for me and for the first time I was able to put my artwork on display and made some really good friends who have shared interests. I was able to focus on my writing more and therefore felt like I was being obedient. I have always felt called to help others through my writing and until I started this blog in August of 2012 I let fear rule me. No more!

You see I stopped worrying about having a man pursue me because I realized once I stop focusing on it so much, then the universe will bring someone to me some day when I least expect it. I will be busy following whatever path is laid in front of me by the One who lights that path.

So Lord, even though my fast is over, I am no longer full of anxiety about what the future holds, I grasp onto the fact that every day is new with each rising of the sun and I am here to make each day as good as it can be. I know that it is You that pursues my heart and I give it to You freely and I thank you so much for every blessing, no matter how little they may seem to others.

This entry was posted on April 14, 2014. 1 Comment

Day 36 Man Fast/Just Pray

Don’t you sometimes wonder why you are where you are? You wonder why the things that are happening to you, just keep happening.

The days blend into eachother and seem joyless.  This is when I just have to calm my mind and spirit.

Just breath in and breath out. Just pray and be silent.

I know the doors will be opened as long as I keep believing and keep praying, and they will for you too.

Day 34 Man Fast/Say My Name

How do you feel when someone calls your name? It probably depends on the person and the tone of voice I’m guessing.

Scripture talks about how God has written each of our names in His book of life. There are many stories of Him giving new names to those that served Him.

Somehow, I think there is great significance in our name. There is power when someone says it at the end of a sentence just to show how strong they feel.

There is even more power in saying someone’s name in love.

There is power when I call my children by their first, middle and last name all at once. This is when they know I mean business!

I know that He says my name when I’ve disappointed Him and when I’ve pleased Him.

But most of all, I pray that at the end of my life God will call out to me say: “Well done my strong and faithful servant.”

Day 30 Man Fast/The Joys of The Fast

Well, I have ten days left. I have to say that I have more will power than I thought I did.

Going into this I thought it would be hard. In some ways it has been but in other ways it has really stretched me out of my comfort zones.

Instead of going out, I stayed in and painted. My creativity was sparked.

Instead of staying out late, I climbed in my bed and I relished how comfy it was and because I forced myself to rest, my body felt refreshed in the morning.

Instead of saying yes, I said no and felt good about it. However, on the flip side, I have said yes to things that I would have been afraid of before.

Instead of focusing on how alone I feel, my eyes have been opened to New possibilities of living life in a different way.

Here are some of the things that have changed in thirty days as well:

1. I am writing more
2. Attending art shows with MY art!
3. Focused even more on my family and home
4. Leading a small church group from my house.

And here are a few of the more humorous things I’ve noticed:
( don’t judge me)

5. I have not shaved my legs quite as often (what’s the point?)
6. I throw on yoga clothes or my jammies as soon as I get home from work. (After all,  where the heck am I going?)
7. No need to spend hours on my hair. Just the classic twist and my clip and I call it done.
8. No b.s texting, and wondering if someone likes me or does’t like me.
Or even more, no waisting my time with guys that I wasn’t sure about in the first place.
9. I discovered that 99.9 percent of the time, my gut feeling was right on.

There you have it, some of the joys of the man fast. Who knows what the last ten days will bring….

Day 29 Man Fast/Just a Little Longer

Today is my 14 year old son’s  big 8th grade class trip to DC.  We got up at 4:30 a.m. and when we got to the school the big buses were rolling in.

As we stood there waiting with the group, one of the moms said her son didn’t want her to get out of the car.

I knew exactly what she meant. I can’t even sit next to my son sometimes without him scootching away. But secretly I was all happy that he asked me to come wait with him.

Just a little bit longer is all I have. Just a little bit longer and he will be on his own. I hope he knows just how proud I am of him and how much I love him.

Just a little bit longer and the dynamics of my little family will change yet again. 

As parent’s sometimes we spend so much time thinking just a little bit longer, and I will have my freedom.

I think I would like things just like this not just for a little bit, but a lot longer.

Lord, please protect my son and all the kids this morning as they venture off. If there are any delays let them be devine delays. They will get there when they there.